ReCreation
Re-creating yourself is painful. And necessary. We grow out of ourselves, we grow into ourselves. We see this void between the un-creation and the new creation and it panics us. What do I do? Who can guide me? What if I make the wrong decision? It sends us into turmoil and it can paralyzes us with fear. That paralysis creates more panic and pressure.
If you can recognize an opportunity to recreate yourself, it is the most liberating thing you’ll ever do. It’s an “Aha” moment…I’m driving this bus! I have a blank canvas…Who do I want to be? Then we paint on the new layers through trial and error. Sometimes its a masterpiece, sometimes it needs more work, sometimes it just needs to be scrapped. You create new habits, you let go of old pains. You turn into the person you want to be. There’s always more to improve, but there will be as many chances as you allow to make it happen.
There’s different approaches to this. Sometimes its forced on you, sometimes you just let it happen. Sometimes you create the environment to expose yourself to it, like I did in my trip. I’ve done it the other 2 ways too. It’s never easy, but it’s so worth it, I do it again and again. The first time it was forced on me, the second time I reached for it, the third was my uprooting of everything. The first time was painfully scary, until I had my Aha moment. It was also what opened up my eyes to my potential. Spiritually, physically, mentally. I grew leaps and bounds in my first re-creation. My second one was softer, easier to adjust, and I let less go than the first time. I still grew, my world grew, my expansion was swollen with increasing potential.
The third time I let it all go. I surrendered it all and waited to see what would happen. I stood in the streets and declared ‘Come Find Me’. I climbed mountains and drew from Creation there. I read, I stopped, I listened, I asked. I’ve never been so unsure of my future in my life, but I still have the trust that I will be taken care of. I’ve never had less direction. I’ve never had fewer needs. I’m still in the shedding stage, where I’m letting go of the rest of me that I don’t want. I’m at that limbo stage between the un-creation and the re-creation. But this time its not painful, its not scary. I have no discomfort in my confidence, no fear of the flat-line. I’m almost to the part where I create myself. I’m still in the pondering stage where I’m deciding who to be. This is the fun part, but worth weighing carefully. Because now I can clearly see, it affects more than just me.
I wrote this article 2 years ago and it’s been sitting in “draft”. I have since uncovered my new direction…where I’m supposed to be, and what I’m supposed to be doing. I cannot venture where this will lead me in the future. I only know that it feels right. The kind of “right” that I haven’t experienced since I decided to leave it all behind to travel. And so I trust that feeling. It’s never let me down thus far 
