Re-creating yourself is painful. And necessary. We grow out of ourselves, we grow into ourselves. We see this void between the un-creation and the new creation and it panics us. What do I do? Who can guide me? What if I make the wrong decision? It sends us into turmoil and it can paralyzes us with fear. That paralysis creates more panic and pressure.
If you can recognize an opportunity to recreate yourself, it is the most liberating thing you’ll ever do. It’s an “Aha” moment…I’m driving this bus! I have a blank canvas…Who do I want to be? Then we paint on the new layers through trial and error. Sometimes its a masterpiece, sometimes it needs more work, sometimes it just needs to be scrapped. You create new habits, you let go of old pains. You turn into the person you want to be. There’s always more to improve, but there will be as many chances as you allow to make it happen.
There’s different approaches to this. Sometimes its forced on you, sometimes you just let it happen. Sometimes you create the environment to expose yourself to it, like I did in my trip. I’ve done it the other 2 ways too. It’s never easy, but it’s so worth it, I do it again and again. The first time it was forced on me, the second time I reached for it, the third was my uprooting of everything. The first time was painfully scary, until I had my Aha moment. It was also what opened up my eyes to my potential. Spiritually, physically, mentally. I grew leaps and bounds in my first re-creation. My second one was softer, easier to adjust, and I let less go than the first time. I still grew, my world grew, my expansion was swollen with increasing potential.
The third time I let it all go. I surrendered it all and waited to see what would happen. I stood in the streets and declared ‘Come Find Me’. I climbed mountains and drew from Creation there. I read, I stopped, I listened, I asked. I’ve never been so unsure of my future in my life, but I still have the trust that I will be taken care of. I’ve never had less direction. I’ve never had fewer needs. I’m still in the shedding stage, where I’m letting go of the rest of me that I don’t want. I’m at that limbo stage between the un-creation and the re-creation. But this time its not painful, its not scary. I have no discomfort in my confidence, no fear of the flat-line. I’m almost to the part where I create myself. I’m still in the pondering stage where I’m deciding who to be. This is the fun part, but worth weighing carefully. Because now I can clearly see, it affects more than just me.
I wrote this article 2 years ago and it’s been sitting in “draft”. I have since uncovered my new direction…where I’m supposed to be, and what I’m supposed to be doing. I cannot venture where this will lead me in the future. I only know that it feels right. The kind of “right” that I haven’t experienced since I decided to leave it all behind to travel. And so I trust that feeling. It’s never let me down thus far
I had one fear traveling. It wasn’t getting kidnapped, forcibly hooked on heroin and sold into the Russian sex trade. It wasn’t having everything stolen, stuck in a developing country alone and unable to communicate. It wasn’t sinking in a long boat trying to get to an island in Monsoon season.
It was bedbugs. Tiny little vampires that crawl into your bed like an uninvited lover and proceed to devour you in the exact opposite way you want to be ravaged in bed. Regular readers will know I do not have a fear of insects, reptiles, rodents. It was an unfounded fear and not one that was going to stop me from my journey. It was, however, an insidious little thought that would creep into my head, alone in the dark. Keep Reading…
Battling it out in souks and markets can be intimidating for a newbie. Voices are raised, pressure is laid, rip-offs commence. But it can also be an incredibly rewarding experience. Shared teas, photos of children, charades and stories of the world. It all depends on how you start. These tips are applicable for anything from postcards to Persian rugs
Top Tips for Market Bartering Keep Reading…
Q~ I need some recommendations for a sample itinerary for a 10-12 day visit to Morocco. I’d like a combination of do-nothing beach relaxation as well as historical stuff. What are the must-visit cities?
[simage=2897,160,c,left,] Awesome choice, Morocco was one of my favorite countries. Marrakesh is the obvious must-see. Pretty touristy, but great restaurants, traditional Riads (homes converted into hotels) and restaurants. That’s where you’ll find the snake charmers, spice stalls, trained monkeys and kiosk tooth extractions. The shopping is incredible, the souks (markets) go on forever. It’s a great jumping off point for day or overnight trips to see some great ruins or Sahara treks. You can wait til you’re there and book the day trips.
I live on street food. I love almost anything that comes out of a stall. The faded stained umbrella shading the meats, veggies and greasy cook tops pique my curiosity and the smoky heat makes my mouth water. Great big vats of steaming noodles, batters being poured out in big swirls.
Mystery meats covered in spicy sauces, strange weedy greens piled wetly on the side. The fish sauces, the chilies, the vinegars. Soft french baguette sandwiches. Crispy falafels, messy donairs, the random things with a raw egg cracked over it. Plates of rice and red beans with everything. Fruits bought by the handful that I clean on my jeans and lick the juices from my fingers. Roasted nuts, steamed corn on the cob. Keep reading..
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The Mekong river winds a natural border between Cambodia and Laos. In the Mekong sit tiny islands, slightly off the beaten path. One of my favorite places in all of SEA was one of these tiny islands called Don Det. There are no motorized vehicles and the generators hum the power into the few restaurants and the internet cafe after sunset. In the dark, swinging in my hammock, I light candles and listen to the roaring silence. Too dark to read, too peaceful for music, I settle in and count the quivering stars. Keep reading…
The first 7 months of my trip pretty much consisted of “coming down” from my old 80 hour work week life. I hung out in hammocks, I watched sunsets and sunrises while digging my toes in the sand and counting the waves. I danced til dawn in bamboo shacks with others decked out in fisherman pants and bare feet. I ate fresh fish, an abundance of new fruits, drank veggie shakes and veggie meals. I practiced yoga, I hiked, I laughed, I slept, I read, I meditated, I balanced. I got massages every day, indulgent in the mind-body connection. I let go, I softened, and I loved…everyone and everything. I saw the lessons and the purpose of it all. I learned to live in the moment, and what glorious moments to wallow in. Nearing the end of my 7 months is SEA, I participated in a 10 day silent meditation retreat. In that deafening silence, I tamed my monkey mind. I learned to sit and be. That’s all. I didn’t realize until I was driving in Paris with my parents a month later that my mind had in fact, stopped. Blessed mental silence! How I’ve missed you! Keep Reading…
I was one of those super-organized, life planning kinda people. I could tell you what I was doing 5 Tuesdays from now at 10 am. I had a ridiculous daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, 5 year, 10 year and 15 year plan. I had an amazing job working with the most influential surgeons in Canada., Keep Reading…